“One couldn’t be selective when remembering the past. Ignore the turmoil, chaos and pain – and the truly great memories would not shine with such luster.”
―Karen Fowler, Memories for Sale
If there is one quote that really crosses my mind every time I think about remembering, it would be the line from my favorite TV series Ally McBeal. John Cage admonished in one of the episodes, that “if you look back and replay your year, if it doesn’t bring you tears either joy or sadness, consider the year wasted.” Something like that.
Some people say that when you get older, your memory starts to wane. It dwindles until such time that you cannot recognize even your significant other. This just proves to be an unnerving thing because yesterday an early Alzheimer-like attack made me wanna bang my head on the wall. I bought some donuts but I forgot to take it. In short, I paid for the donuts and got nothing. I really felt so stupid.
Our memory serves as the vessel of our soul. The experiences that we encounter in our lives shape our very being. Experiences, whether good or bad, might take its toll when left unresolved. Negative experiences create fear in us, while positive circumstances can influence us in understanding ourselves especially in dealing with adversities in life. Dorothy M. Neddermever, PhD in her article titled “Soul Memory” claims that “past life regression offers a unique opportunity to reconnect with these memories so that you can understand and process the unresolved feelings, thus, setting yourself free to live your life this time, without those encumbrances.”
What I really wanna say is that there are events in my life that I’d like to remember. Not really events. Cues. For example, when I recovered my old email account two days ago, I was suddenly encumbered by nostalgia as I read my correspondences with my friends in Bacolod during the time when social media haven’t invaded the cyber realm yet. It’s quite funny because it brought back sundry memories that reconnected myself with my dreams and aspirations as well as my friends’ hope of getting a job after college. It made me wanna cry, honestly. Also, while I was lagging around the mall, something just crossed my mind as I engaged myself in random thinking. It brought me back to the time when I and my friends from the Mirror Poetry Guild would gather together and drown ourselves in the beauty of poetry. I could still remember the laughs, the jousts, the criticisms that invigorated the place. But those friends, where are they now? And returning to reality, I found myself alone. Yearning. Only remembering.
Remembering brings me back to my favorite quote from Ally Mcbeal. I guess, my years are never wasted.